- This is the email I sent in to Jo Whiley at Radio 1 yesterday. For those of you who don't know, Changing Tracks is a feature on Jo's show where people send in stories about difficult times in their lives, and how a particular song helped them to find away to turn things around, or to look at their situation from another perspective...
- This is mine:
- In late October 2004 my dad was diagnosed with Cancer, he was 58, and had spent many years in the latter part of his life caring for my Mum, who had MS. My dad and me were very close, he had always treated me as a adult, and had allowed me enough room to make my own decisions and mistakes. For this, amongst many other things, I will always be grateful.
- At the time I was 22 and in my first year at Uni in Bristol, and having taken me such a long time to get there, I was determined not to be de-railed.
- The next few weeks were a roller coaster - I attended some lectures, and I travelled to and from Swansea twice or three times a week to be with my dad and my brother and sister, the prognosis was changing daily, until after about a fortnight, we were told that our dad would not be coming back home.
- On December 5th 2004, my dad passed away. I remember the feeling of stillness, and the relief that I didn't have to watch dad suffer any longer. He was free.
- During the time that dad was sick, and in the month after, I spent a lot of time with my Bro and Sis, we instinctively seemed to know how to help each other- when to hug, when to talk, and when to leave each other alone.
- Christmas came and went, and come the end of January, I was back at uni and ready to hit the ground running with my studies... Or so I thought.
- The enormity of the hole in our lives that our dad had left was becoming apparent to me, and the distance away from my syblings was hard to take. I despaired, and for a time I believed that the intensity of the hurt I felt would never fade.
- I had some councilling arranged thru my Uni, which helped me to express my emotions without getting heaping them all on Sarah. My rock though she was, I was often bottling things up as I feared she would buckle under the strain if I allowed her to witness the full extent of my greif.
- One afternoon in March, I stormed out of a lecture-room, frustrated and angry, and hurting, missing my brother and sister. I got in the car and started driving heading for home, our family home in Swansea. I was going to put myself first today, and not worry about what I was 'supposed' to be doing. And as I was crossing the bridge into Wales, the sun was low- shining in my eyes, the sky was hazy. I drove slowly... I began to fell calm and relaxed, safe. And as I drifted, this song played on my car stereo.
- I finally knew that I was going to be ok. Gradually the pain would fade. I would always miss my dad, but that was ok. I realised that I just needed time.
- My changing track is: DAMIEN RICE – Older Chests
- (Click the video bar on the right hand side of this page to hear the track) >>>
- Note, the first clip is the track Older Chests, and below are some other clips of Damien Rice on YouTube.
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